I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
