it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
