I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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