he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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