I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
