You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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