my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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