I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
