my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize