i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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