ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
