sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
