There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
why do cheetos always look like penises
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
