We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
