You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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