God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
