I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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