There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
