Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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