the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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