I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
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OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
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I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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