If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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