I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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