The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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