Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
