i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
