If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Can I color on your dick again?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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