If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
