I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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