i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
