i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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