Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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