I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
