home. puking in laundry basket.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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