By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You don't make any sense
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