"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
