I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
