You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
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You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
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Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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