we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize