I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
