I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
