i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
