Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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