You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
