so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
