Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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