No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
