Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
