This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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