First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
