my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
