is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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