i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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