lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
