Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
