and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
