I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
