That's intense
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
