Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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