just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
