Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
