i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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