im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
