Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
