I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
