Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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