Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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