it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
