may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
