Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
