Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
