do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
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I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
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Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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