just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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