my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
