It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
