There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
