Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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